Top Secret to Raising Children


As I watched Craig look into his daughter’s eyes yesterday, the intense focus of her gaze and the love that passed between them was palpable. She’s only four months old, but little Ally is truly bonded with her Dad.

Dan Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence considers focus the “Hidden Driver of Excellence.” At four months Ellie is learning to focus. In spite of all the noise and excitement from the birthday party, they only had eyes for each other.

Brain scientists emphasize focus as an essential life ability. Circuits in the brain use focus to steer children and adults through the turbulence of their inner lives, their relationships and life challenges.

Since children learn through focused attention,” Craig is Ally’s best focus teacher. Rather than brooding about whose turn it is to change her diaper, he is preparing her to be a competent, connected and curious child.  Get tips here.

Craig is in love with this four year old and her entire life will be deeply affected by it. It is not simply the amount of time he is spending with little Ally, it is the focus with which he is connecting to her that develops new brain circuits.

If you have an important report to create, you don’t focus on the computer keys on which you are typing the narrative. Rather, your gaze is on the goal, as you develop rich content for the report.

So too with Ally, the issue is not about changing diapers or giving her a bottle. It is about focus. Craig is looking into her eyes, connecting with her and Ally’s brain is busily developing new neural circuits that will help her get into the college of her choice and live the life of her dreams.

It does not begin at Harvard. That is an outcome of what started at least 18 years before. To increase neural pathways in your developing baby’s brain, connect and focus in her eyes.

Success begins at birth or perhaps before, when Craig and so many other father’s stroke, talk and connect with the growing baby in mom’s belly. If you feel squeamish about that, OK. But if you want to have a successful child, get involved as soon after birth as possible.

This is not about feminizing men, it is the opposite of that. Rather it is a guaranteed way to develop more neural pathways in your little one’s brain. Nothing wrong with insuring that your child gets into the college of her choice and lives a rich and fulfilling life.

In the 21st century, expanding knowledge is stored and rapidly flows across cyberspace at a pace only those with focused brain circuits will handle effectively. You influence your child’s success at life through focused bonding.

When Craig and Ally connect while feeding, changing diapers, playing or just gazing, her brain is developing from their deep bond. As Craig holds the toy, bottle or teddy bear and names it, Ally will learn to stay focused. Her mind won’t wander off.

If Craig’s mind is someplace else while he is feeding Ally or looking at her, she will activate brain circuits unrelated to what Craig is trying to teach her about love, creativity and passion for life.

Through focus, we store sharp memories of what we are learning. It is not what you do as a parent that matters, it is the focus and attention with which you do it.

Knowledge is expanding at such a fast clip. Take a lesson from Craig. Help your little one develop brain neural pathways to screen out the distractions and focus on what truly matters to her and to her education and success in life and relationships.

Two career families are short on time for their children. No worry. When you are with them, be truly focused. Look into their eyes when you change, feed, play or just hold them. The benefits will extend both ways. They’ll have a successful, happy life and you will feel closer to them. Enjoy, it goes by so quickly

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