Emotional intelligence is critical for raising happy and successful children. If you were raised in a family where the EQ was poor to fair: people were very rational and avoided emotion; they dumped emotions all over other people; used substances to deaden them or it was hit or miss; we’ll show you how to get your EQ or your spouse’s EQ way up. Your children will notice the difference and behave better. Your partner will feel accepted and loved. People will comment on what a good parent you are.
Why do people with average IQ outperform better than 70% of people with higher IQ? Early on, they learned to use their subcortical animal brains effectively to solve problems. This is especially so with children whose IQ’s are still developing. Young children operate mainly from their emotional brains. As a stimulating intellectual family environment improves your child’s IQ, a stimulating emotional environment jumpstarts your child’s EQ. And EQ is the critical factor that will set your child above the rest. 90% of top achievers have high EQ’s.
Research demonstrates that children who are exposed to family life in which a more sophisticated vocabulary is the norm and baby talk is avoided, achieve better at school, read sooner, develop higher IQ’s and perform more effectively on SAT’s etc. What about emotional vocabulary. Are you a family that speaks in a sophisticated emotional vocabulary or is it limited? Do you say, “I feel good or I feel bad?” The words good and bad are not feelings but judgments that come from the cerebral cortex or rational brain, rather than the emotional brain. More effective to use words that are more specific to what is really going on inside you. I feel happy, sad, lonely, disappointed, irritated, delighted, frustrated, confused, jealous or loved.
We have two subcortical brains; one is the emotional brain and the other is the survival brain. The survival brain is the body brain and its language is sensation. “I feel: pain in my leg, itchiness in my arm, trembling, cold feet, warm hands; no sensation, a freeze, hot all over, tight, constricted in my chest, pounding in my heart with an urge to run. All the sensations come from our bodies. Children need to be taught to express what is going on in their bodies as well as their emotions. This will enhance their EQ and keep them present and grounded in their bodies. It will give them a foundation that is not pushed and pulled by whatever life presents. Rather they will be like strong solid oak trees that are flexible enough to flow with the winds of life but solidly grounded in the earth.
Positive authoritative parenting and effective disciplining of your children demand that your parenting skills reflect strong emotional intelligence. Reduce power struggles, helicopter parenting, family conflicts, drug and alcohol problems by using this language. Stay tuned for more strategies to increase your child’s EQ and increase his chance of happiness and success.
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